A while ago a friend of mine posted about some experiences on Internet dating. One of the common threads was that "Guys Lie". This person has since met someone, but I've only heard the bad things and he sounds like a complete jerk. I haven't said it yet, but it sounds like my friend putty his hands, and he's playing every dating trick in the book. It is only really an extension of "Guys Lie".
My friend has gone from someone who had the most character of anyone I know to questioning and procrastinating every move she makes with him. Because it's been 2 years since she was in a relationship, and the previous one probably was probably only 'ok' (she left him, so obviously it wasn't 'good'), I feel like she's afraid of being lonely. Sadly, I think this guy is playing her and she's falling for him because of this fear.
Without going into too many details, the only things I've heard about are how he calls up at the last minute to do stuff. This was alarm bell number one. Guys, if you've got two dates on in one night, and the first one ends early - just go home. If you're not dating two people, make proper plans so people can arrange their days or nights properly. It's just plain disrespectful either way.
Alarm bell number two: they only see movies. When I've asked, he hasn't made any regular attempt at courtship, no flowers, no chocolates, not even a nice dinner after 3 months. There's slow, and there's molasses. The fact that there are only movies tells me one of two things, either he sees her as a cheap date or he's got no imagination when it comes to how to date someone. I'm guessing the former given the lack of respect in alarm bell 1. Guys: be honest, if you can't think of something different to do, let her decide.
Alarm bell number three: he hasn't let her into his life. Guys build castles, or homes. They're generally proud of it, and like to show off things they're proud of. Think fast cars, neat clothes, and a nice home. She hasn't even been invited in; though she has said she did get the opportunity to wait in the car once outside. That to me indicates he has something to hide, or he simply doesn't want her in his home which, again, is lacking in respect.
Alarm bell number three a: he hasn't introduced her to any of his friends, or family. This is largely an extension of number three about letting her into his life. And I'm not talking like a "hey, here's the girl I'm going to marry" kind of introduction to the parents, I'm just talking about "hey, this is Pat, she'll be joining us for dinner tonight." Is he embarrassed by his friends? If so, time for new friends, or to deal with it. Is he afraid they'll let a secret out? If so, time to change yourself.
Alarm bell number four: he's been condescending or insulting in what he has said to her and magically corrected it. I'm not surprised that this is exactly what she wanted to hear because it comes out of the dating play book; you say something that puts her on guard, and then you correct it, lowering her guard letting you in more so than she would have done before. Essentially free brownie points. It makes me think he's using her.
Alarm bell number five: he's mentioned that he has OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). If it's true, fine that's OK, but somehow I doubt it has been clinically diagnosed and I suspect that it is not even true. Why? Because having certain 'interesting' traits makes you more memorable; another playbook tactic. And given it's a medical condition, it's sympathy and more free brownie points.
Alarm bell number six: he's asked her to change certain things about the way she dresses. She's mentioned the condescending tone from #4. She now thinks she's got a project to try to change someone. He's simply asked her to wear what he likes to see. She's obliged. He's thrown the token gesture of watching his tongue (which I suspect was not even been the "real him" in the first place).
Alarm bell number seven: he's said his father is a player. Apple's don't usually fall far from the tree.
She's head over heels for this guy, and is probably too scared to objectively weigh the pros and cons. I'm too closely attached to her, so she's "sheltering" me from the pros, which means I have a biased opinion. Just because I'm the mediocre ex from 2 years ago, it doesn't mean I'm wrong. Except that I'm a guy, and guys lie, so all she really has to listen to are her female friends; who are all either in relationships or married, or would love to see her in a relationship even if he is way off beam, so they'd promote him as much as possible, and she'd be more than willing to share only the good stuff so that she can get more of the ego-stroking, attention associated with, more encouragement to pursue such a great guy.
Fact is, guys lie. Especially on dating sites because dating sites are a clearing house for getting it on and that's what most guys are rumoured to do there. Sometimes guys are so devious about it that their quarry won't even know until it's too late. But the really fucked up part is that too many girls let them so they think they can get away with it.
The world would be simpler if two things both happened (but they won't because it means BOTH guys and girls have to change their ways).
Guys, if you're reading this: don't be a jerk. Girls, if you're reading this, don't let your girlfriends fall for a jerk.